Relax! Take a long, hot bath!

NOTE: This is one of the many blogs I've started every time I've gotten the 'You should write a book!' from folks. 

This post is ALSO a draft. In the future, it will be cleverly-written, concise, contain a few fun pics, and most importantly, a plethora of links to past, present and future blog posts. Bloggers, writers, people that write more than one sentence at a time, I salute you. Endless blogs, posts, scenes go on an on in my head day and night. But here, I give you my first draft to prove a point to myself. I can. I will. Whatever. Here goes.

My Cleverly Titled Post: (working title: Relax; take a long hot bath!)

You know the drill. Chatting up [Friend, Mom at the Park, Stranger on Facebook, Clerk at the Dollar Store, Guy helping your kid tie her shoe, etc.}  complaining about your two very different but equally difficult lives, families, responsibilities etc. And then, the well-meaning anonymous person says 'Oh, you should just take time for you - go take a nice hot bath and relax!'.

Sounds good, no? Yes. Yes.

First of all, let's be clear here - this is not the same thing as the 'I can't even shower or use the bathroom alone' thing. This is NOT about time you are spending take care of everyone and everything else.

This is the kids are all gone, day off 'work', whatever our 'work' is,  for whatever reason, at some point we all get at least a few minutes, an hour, a day, maybe more, to ourselves. Right? 

I decided to see exactly how this might work if I tried to take a minute, 30 minutes, an hour or maybe even more to do something for ME. Long hot bath kept ringing in my ears. Maybe, because I went to my favorite depressed-need-my-energy-back place, disguised on Facebook as a fun night out, at the Merc.

 Whatever, we all have bad days. I came home smelling like smoke, I stayed up until 4am, and woke up blissfully relaxed at 7:30am, ready for ME TIME. 

A long hot bath. Easy. I got up, and tried to focus on just that. I made my Solei water and coffee (link to getting healthy post), noticed my old toenail polish and looked for cotton balls to remove polish. (note to incorporate this in to hugely-too-long numbered list below)

1. Find cotton balls soaked in sugar water by the butterfly station (link)
2. Get tissue instead and remove old nail polish
3. Look for pedicure kit with sharp things, hidden of course
4. Find 'Awaken' foaming bath crystals! How old? Who cares!
5. Decide to turn on the bath tub.
6. Put away all kiddie toys and bath products - this is ME time.
7. Find bath full of lysol scrub I forgot to rinse out yesterday (cleaning in marilyn dress post)
8. Rinse tub
9. Try to drain tub; seek out and find drain declogger plastic thingy (link to actual product)
10. Remove nasty clump of hair mixed with legos and old bandaids (tm)
11. Re-clean tub.
12. Hear $30 phone (link to clever post about my phone) beeping
13. Check to see if is important. Don't know anyone in Oklahoma. No voicemail.
14. Turn on endless supply of hot water from my super efficient tankless tank.
15. Pour in crystals with a spa-like sweep of my hand.
16. Go back to searching for pedicure kit.
17. Find old string cheese under sink.
18. Get lysol wipes and clean up nasty cheese area.
19. Take out trash.
20. Drink Solei water with a squeeze of orange slice.
21. Remember to feed last remaining butterfly (link) a new orange slice.
22. Try to turn on Pandora from upstairs iPad on my Chromecast.
23. Can't remember password.
24. Turn on Pandora 'Zen' station downstairs, already cranked from previous evening (link)
25. Pre-warm favorite coffee cup
26. Get stool to set stuff on by the tub
27. Find old bagel stuck to bottom of stool.
28. Get lysol wipes and clean it.
29. Find pedicure kit under kitchen sink!
30. Get out all sharp pointy scrapy things and toss them in tub.
31. Look for Solei water (link)
32. Find Solei water and add ice.
33. Pour coffee
34. Go back upstairs.
35. Think about how I should be using my Fitbit again.
36. Find it to charge it while I'm in the bath. Maximize me time.
37. Charge it on Notebook #3.
38. Hear phone ring again. Nope, just an email beep. Can't figure out my $30 phone settings to stop beeps from emails. Yet. I will. (linky winky)
39. Take deep breath.
40. Set coffee, Solei water on stool; iPad and phone on dry towels next to stool
41. Stir foamy spa-smelling water so bubbles distribute evenly.
42. Hear coffee pot beep OFF. What? Ok so 2 hours have gone by.  Big deal. ME time.
43. Go down and turn it back on - I'll need it while writing this clever post that is continually running through my head.
44. Bath time - put two grown-up towels out -- rolled, not folded.
45. Look for face scrubs and masks - maximize time! 
46. Sit on edge of tub drinking coffee, water, listening to calming music and dip toes in.
47. Yeah you saw this coming -- scalding hot. That's ok, I know how to pulse point get body to adjust to hot water.
48. Drape hot washcloths over neck and feet in a spa-like fashion.
49. Hear phone ring. Not beep, ring.
50. Dry hands, grab phone, note that my $30 phone incorrectly lists calls coming in from random numbers on the display. No biggie, not important caller. 
51. Hear facebook ding downstairs on Notebook #2 (insert link above about how I charged Notebook #2 just in case #1 started to update to Windows 10 when I sat down to write this post)
52. Ignore it, no one on Facebook would be urgently messaging me during ME time.
53. Tub time - sink gently into tub in a spa-like fashion. 
54. Note that water overflows.
55. Feel bad about my body for a brief moment.
56. Remember Fitbit and feel good about the future.
57. Get out of tub to pee. Get back in. (This may have happened more than once)
58. Wash hair and put conditioner in it with hot towel on neck! This is going well.
59. Carefully mani-pedi using random over-priced objects acquired on vacations pre-kids.
60. Bathe, sitting in the hot tub for a spa-like amount of time, worrying about all the other things I should be doing for everyone but myself.
61. Drain tub, rinse off in cold water.
62. Grab grown-up towel #1 for my hair.
63. Find missing soccer sock velcroed to towel.
64. Run it down to soccer area
65. Remember coffee was empty.
66. Go back up, get cup, refill.
67. Wrap hair. 
68. Start on toenail finishes.
69. Find good hair shears in pedicure box.
70. Unwrap hair, brush and trim my ends over toilet.
71. Apply pleasantly-scented body oil in a spa-like manner
72. Mist myself with lavendar spray
73. Dress in a spa-like fashion and head downstairs to write this post.

And there you have it. In 3 1/2 hours, give or take, I was able to take a hot bath. 

Beep. 

Ok, 4 hours.

A nice summary of my top parenting tips

Thanks to Seattle's Child for posting a summary of my top tips for dealing with my kids ;)


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BY DEBRA VAUGHN

"Matina Fresenius is a super, single mom of five children. She’s featured in this month’s magazine in a story about big families. Fresenius writes about her parenting adventures on her blog and shares some tips and thoughts about mothering a big family:

1. Write your own story: It is so easy to get tangled in other people's parenting stories of what could be, or should be, but your story will be your own miracle of little bodies, minds and spirits.

2. Children are great 'employees': In a large family, it is imperative to let go of control of household tasks and put up with a few weeks of 'training'. Before you know it, you'll have kids that can dress themselves, cook, pack lunches and organize their own days.

3. Get a floor robot vacuum: The best game in the world is "Ok kids, let's pick up everything off the floor so we can push the button on the vacuum and sit on the couch and giggle while it cleans". Worth. Every. Penny.

4. Build your community now: Embrace the well-meaning people that ask if they can help. Yes, they can. Invite other people over and let the kids prepare for the playdate by cleaning and preparing snacks, while you and other parents sit and drink coffee.

5. Lower the bar on expectations: Just put the bar on the floor and jump over it. In my world, this means letting dishes pile up and losing shoes in order to get to the playground in time to run laps before school. No one in my house has ever worn matching socks, nor do I. Buy all white socks for everyone so no one will notice –that’s great advice from an in-law. Life is colorful and doesn't always match. That is ok.

6. Get out of the house: Welcome the outside environment, the smiles and sometimes annoying comments of strangers. A walk around the block, a stroll through Target (carts there buckle up to 3 kids and let the bigger kid/s push) or a long peaceful drive for car naps. 

7. Prioritize childcare and self-care time: Book it in advance and use it. Ask for cash for childcare funds. Get a second mortgage if you need to, factor it in to every holiday gift request. The kids do not need toys more than you and/or a significant other need a few hours out together every week to reconnect. Instead of paying for xyz toy or event, tell the kids they are having a special playdate/soccer lesson/art day etc. with a babysitter. 

8. Get superhero t-shirts: Buy them for yourself and wear them in public. And a cape, too, if you are the outgoing type. It takes the edge off the "You must be Supermom" comments. Why, yes, I am. You are, too.

9. Welcome the chaos: And feel the love.  "

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Love is love is love

Last month, I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by the folks at Seattle's Child for a story on larger families.

Sure, it was easy enough to spout off about the wonderful things I experience as a mom of 5 young kids. When I shared the story on Facebook, I was unprepared for all the wonderful comments from friends and acquaintances.

In spite of the comments in the story about how I don't think it takes more to raise 5 than 1, many of you said 'You are a hero' or similar. Thank you all. 

I wanted to reiterate why, in spite of dressing up in a Superman shirt, I actually do not consider myself a hero at all. I'm just me with my kids, like any other parent with their kid/s or pets or taking care of their parents..... love is love is love.

Blue Friday

Sometimes, I feed my kids cookies for breakfast. Today is Blue Friday, and we bought Seahawks coookies at Safeway last night. Why not.

Some days are for organic eggs and spinach omelets, that the kids make using math measurements.

Today, cookies and milk.

#parentingmyway

"Wow, you are SuperMom!"

You've heard it before, or you've found yourself saying it to another Mom -- maybe one with more than one child, or one who seems to flow through the parenting river without so much as a stray strand of hair.

I finally decided to just throw in the towel and soak up the SuperMom comments. In fact, I went to the Tween section of Macy's, and raided the clearance rack of T-shirts, scoring a few gems.

Get superhero t-shirts for yourself and wear them in public, and a cape,or a bright purple wig, too, if you are the outgoing type. Takes the edge off the "You must be Supermom" comments. Why, yes, I am. You are, too.

When to stop having kids!

I have seen many articles citing the do's and don'ts, pros and cons, of having more than one child.

I am often asked whether having one set of twins first make it easier or harder to decide whether to have another child, especially if you think you might have another set of twins? 

In my case, the joys and hardships of having twins, while my oldest son was only 17months old, convinced me that I did want to have another child.

In fact, I eagerly, secretly, hoped I'd have another set of twins.

In spite of the fact that I had very difficult pregnancies and grew super huge due to tons of swelling, I enjoyed every minute of it.

When the babies were born, my older 3 kids were thrilled and did everything to help and participate from day one.

Now that my youngest twins are 4, and the older set are 7 and my oldest is 8, things continue to be joyful, and hard of course.

How to decide...well, for one thing, time between emails takes a lot longer. 

And, if you like to shower regularly, perhaps 2 or 3 kids is enough. But, there is a baby for each older twin to play with... depending on the ages of the kids.

My best tips today:

1. Get a Floor Robot vacuum (Roomba) - the best game in the world is 'Ok kids, let's pick up everything off the floor so we can push the button on the vacuum and sit on the couch and giggle while it cleans". Worth.Every.Penny.
   
2. Build your community now. Embrace the well-meaning people that ask if they can help. Yes, they can. Invite other people over and let the kids prepare for the playdate by cleaning and preparing snacks, while you and other parents sit and drink coffee.

Lower the bar

You have heard it before. Lower the bar on expectations. 

Let's take that a step further - just put the bar on the floor and jump over it. In my world, this means letting dishes pile up and losing shoes in order to get to the playground in time to run laps before school. No one in my house has ever worn matching socks.

Contrary to advice from my former in-laws, I also decided not to 'Buy all white socks for everyone so no one will notice mismatched socks'. Life is colorful and doesn't always match. That is ok.