"Wow, you are SuperMom!"

You've heard it before, or you've found yourself saying it to another Mom -- maybe one with more than one child, or one who seems to flow through the parenting river without so much as a stray strand of hair.

I finally decided to just throw in the towel and soak up the SuperMom comments. In fact, I went to the Tween section of Macy's, and raided the clearance rack of T-shirts, scoring a few gems.

Get superhero t-shirts for yourself and wear them in public, and a cape,or a bright purple wig, too, if you are the outgoing type. Takes the edge off the "You must be Supermom" comments. Why, yes, I am. You are, too.

When to stop having kids!

I have seen many articles citing the do's and don'ts, pros and cons, of having more than one child.

I am often asked whether having one set of twins first make it easier or harder to decide whether to have another child, especially if you think you might have another set of twins? 

In my case, the joys and hardships of having twins, while my oldest son was only 17months old, convinced me that I did want to have another child.

In fact, I eagerly, secretly, hoped I'd have another set of twins.

In spite of the fact that I had very difficult pregnancies and grew super huge due to tons of swelling, I enjoyed every minute of it.

When the babies were born, my older 3 kids were thrilled and did everything to help and participate from day one.

Now that my youngest twins are 4, and the older set are 7 and my oldest is 8, things continue to be joyful, and hard of course.

How to decide...well, for one thing, time between emails takes a lot longer. 

And, if you like to shower regularly, perhaps 2 or 3 kids is enough. But, there is a baby for each older twin to play with... depending on the ages of the kids.

My best tips today:

1. Get a Floor Robot vacuum (Roomba) - the best game in the world is 'Ok kids, let's pick up everything off the floor so we can push the button on the vacuum and sit on the couch and giggle while it cleans". Worth.Every.Penny.
   
2. Build your community now. Embrace the well-meaning people that ask if they can help. Yes, they can. Invite other people over and let the kids prepare for the playdate by cleaning and preparing snacks, while you and other parents sit and drink coffee.

Lower the bar

You have heard it before. Lower the bar on expectations. 

Let's take that a step further - just put the bar on the floor and jump over it. In my world, this means letting dishes pile up and losing shoes in order to get to the playground in time to run laps before school. No one in my house has ever worn matching socks.

Contrary to advice from my former in-laws, I also decided not to 'Buy all white socks for everyone so no one will notice mismatched socks'. Life is colorful and doesn't always match. That is ok.

In the trenches of Single Parenthood

Over the years, as I have muddled through the swamp often called Parenthood, I have dealt with issues in many realms - now expanded to the land of Single Parenthood.

I came across some advice I gave to a new twin parent a few years ago, and found it comforting to read over it now.
I know we had all kinds of advice thrown at us with our first child, from the ever present 'just put rice cereal in the bottle' from mother-in-law to comments on having him out in the sun, in the cold, in a stroller, not in a stroller, in a carrier.... why was he in his own room, not in our bed, etc. etc.

Even the best 'advice' from a close friend can turn sour when all you really want to do is have healthy babies and enjoy the moment that they are in.

All 5 of my children were technically premies, and the comments and advice still come flying in from all angles. I only listen to my Dr. and of course to everyone here on the forum 

The rest, just nod and smile...

Now, I'm super curious about who says you are disabling them (!!) and to whom are you explaining things and repeating yourself? Are people asking you why you are doing certain things? I mean, I'm not really sure what different things one does with a 5month old vs a 7month old... My super old 9month olds pretty much ride around in the car, hang out in exersaucers, crawl around on the floor, camp out in highchairs and sleep in cribs... pretty much what they were doing a few months ago, sans the swings and bouncy seats which now are outgrown.

My sincerest offers of support are to not explain anything, ever, to anyone or come up with a super sticky sweet comment that only you and your husband know is a total joke like... "Oh, we really appreciate that suggestion and I've written it down in our advice book. I'll let you know how that works!" Or.. "Wow, I heard that is doing that same thing with her twins, is that why you suggested it?" Or "You know, said we should do that too, and I'm going to run it by our Dr on our next visit".

Sometimes being snarky can make you feel better.

With every child in our family, the ages at which my husband did certain things gets earlier and earlier according to my MIL... right now, he was eating solids at 2 months and on nonfat milk instead of formula at 6mo.. I think he walked at 7 months and maybe drove at 10 or something.

I'm not trying to be too flip here, I just sincerely hope you know that WHATEVER you and your husband do with your babies is the best thing ever and everyone else can just move along to the next thing. Be sure to keep us posted on actual comments you receive.. they make for good laughs... good luck!!

Help -- I can't get out of the house!

It is hard enough to get out with one brand new baby, but many Moms of Multiples wonder... How will I ever be able to get outside of the house!!: 

Yes, we get out! I've taken all give of my kids to Mexican food by myself...ok just once, but it worked. I've taken them all to a wedding. I've taken them to Halloween parties and trick-or-treating, and to a Halloween carnival, no stroller, at my First Grader's school... insane.. Enlisted the help of other kids' aunts and uncles. No sweat. Glowsticks around each of their necks!!

And yes, there are the usual tips about packing the night before, having spare things in your car at all times, etc. But, I think the main thing to prepare for is taking time for yourself so you feel confident that you can get out and do things.


As I type this, I've just returned from our morning outing -- piling all 5 in the van to drive 6 blocks to drop off #5 at school, then drive-thru banking and then back home to work on the 9 full laundry baskets piling up from the 5 of 7 of us who had that nasty stomach virus the past week. There are 5 more baskets of laundry upstairs. But, blessed are the loads of mostly towels the kids can hang on racks. Our bathrooms have a bunch of hooks drilled into the walls for kids to hang clothes. We have commercial napkin holders. We are looking for bench seating for the kitchen :)

You you you!  Sure, it is great to do things for the kids. But, take time to find one or two things YOU love to do and make the kids do it with you, for you, etc. Whether it be thrift store shopping, going to the gym, walking outside, driving around in the car listening to music or dancing in your pajamas, they will pick up and love your little quirks if you force them to.

In fact, did you know your kids can paint your toenails and give you one of the best pedicures you've ever had? I'm dead serious. Stay tuned for that tutorial and pictures!!

Bath, and beyond

A reader once asked me how to entertain twins during that 1 to 2 year stage. 


Outside of all the other fantastic Seattle events and playrooms, another suggestion is to NOT try to entertain them and let them entertain each other.

Depending on the setup of your house/yard etc, stepping back and taking a deep breath and carrying on with a semblance of a normal activity can be refreshing and a good photo op. If you have laundry to do, first set them both down and dump it all out on them and let them crawl through it and mess it all up to the point of exhaustion -- thinking about it can seem dicey, but really how long does it take to pick up again, especially if you make it fun for them (peekaboo etc.)... my youngest twins, at barely over a year, were already well engaged in the spray bottles with water, dry mop and rags, 'cleaning' walls, tables, vacuuming etc. whenever I simply didn't want to go out.

Next, there is the empty bathtub with 2 little cups of those pudding things (99cents at most Bartells and dollar stores)... they can finger paint each other and the walls and lick it all off... and at the end, whoosh bathy go bye bye.

Of course, this all depends on your mess tolerance, but I have learned -- or convinced myself -- that some messes are so easy to clean up and so fun to watch, that it makes it worth while. My youngest twins are now 2 and they, unlike my older set, really play so well together, with that evil glimmer in their eyes as they dump out each others dresser drawers... but I digress.

And then there is yardwork...

Regular errands work well too, depending on shopping cart tolerance.

Sometimes, rather than avoid all the comments, it is fun to just go to Target, grab a Starbucks and slowly walk through all the aisles, stopping to chat with each and every interested stranger who wants to know 'are they twins, are they identical etc'.


Thoughts?