In the trenches of Single Parenthood

Over the years, as I have muddled through the swamp often called Parenthood, I have dealt with issues in many realms - now expanded to the land of Single Parenthood.

I came across some advice I gave to a new twin parent a few years ago, and found it comforting to read over it now.
I know we had all kinds of advice thrown at us with our first child, from the ever present 'just put rice cereal in the bottle' from mother-in-law to comments on having him out in the sun, in the cold, in a stroller, not in a stroller, in a carrier.... why was he in his own room, not in our bed, etc. etc.

Even the best 'advice' from a close friend can turn sour when all you really want to do is have healthy babies and enjoy the moment that they are in.

All 5 of my children were technically premies, and the comments and advice still come flying in from all angles. I only listen to my Dr. and of course to everyone here on the forum 

The rest, just nod and smile...

Now, I'm super curious about who says you are disabling them (!!) and to whom are you explaining things and repeating yourself? Are people asking you why you are doing certain things? I mean, I'm not really sure what different things one does with a 5month old vs a 7month old... My super old 9month olds pretty much ride around in the car, hang out in exersaucers, crawl around on the floor, camp out in highchairs and sleep in cribs... pretty much what they were doing a few months ago, sans the swings and bouncy seats which now are outgrown.

My sincerest offers of support are to not explain anything, ever, to anyone or come up with a super sticky sweet comment that only you and your husband know is a total joke like... "Oh, we really appreciate that suggestion and I've written it down in our advice book. I'll let you know how that works!" Or.. "Wow, I heard that is doing that same thing with her twins, is that why you suggested it?" Or "You know, said we should do that too, and I'm going to run it by our Dr on our next visit".

Sometimes being snarky can make you feel better.

With every child in our family, the ages at which my husband did certain things gets earlier and earlier according to my MIL... right now, he was eating solids at 2 months and on nonfat milk instead of formula at 6mo.. I think he walked at 7 months and maybe drove at 10 or something.

I'm not trying to be too flip here, I just sincerely hope you know that WHATEVER you and your husband do with your babies is the best thing ever and everyone else can just move along to the next thing. Be sure to keep us posted on actual comments you receive.. they make for good laughs... good luck!!

Help -- I can't get out of the house!

It is hard enough to get out with one brand new baby, but many Moms of Multiples wonder... How will I ever be able to get outside of the house!!: 

Yes, we get out! I've taken all give of my kids to Mexican food by myself...ok just once, but it worked. I've taken them all to a wedding. I've taken them to Halloween parties and trick-or-treating, and to a Halloween carnival, no stroller, at my First Grader's school... insane.. Enlisted the help of other kids' aunts and uncles. No sweat. Glowsticks around each of their necks!!

And yes, there are the usual tips about packing the night before, having spare things in your car at all times, etc. But, I think the main thing to prepare for is taking time for yourself so you feel confident that you can get out and do things.


As I type this, I've just returned from our morning outing -- piling all 5 in the van to drive 6 blocks to drop off #5 at school, then drive-thru banking and then back home to work on the 9 full laundry baskets piling up from the 5 of 7 of us who had that nasty stomach virus the past week. There are 5 more baskets of laundry upstairs. But, blessed are the loads of mostly towels the kids can hang on racks. Our bathrooms have a bunch of hooks drilled into the walls for kids to hang clothes. We have commercial napkin holders. We are looking for bench seating for the kitchen :)

You you you!  Sure, it is great to do things for the kids. But, take time to find one or two things YOU love to do and make the kids do it with you, for you, etc. Whether it be thrift store shopping, going to the gym, walking outside, driving around in the car listening to music or dancing in your pajamas, they will pick up and love your little quirks if you force them to.

In fact, did you know your kids can paint your toenails and give you one of the best pedicures you've ever had? I'm dead serious. Stay tuned for that tutorial and pictures!!

Bath, and beyond

A reader once asked me how to entertain twins during that 1 to 2 year stage. 


Outside of all the other fantastic Seattle events and playrooms, another suggestion is to NOT try to entertain them and let them entertain each other.

Depending on the setup of your house/yard etc, stepping back and taking a deep breath and carrying on with a semblance of a normal activity can be refreshing and a good photo op. If you have laundry to do, first set them both down and dump it all out on them and let them crawl through it and mess it all up to the point of exhaustion -- thinking about it can seem dicey, but really how long does it take to pick up again, especially if you make it fun for them (peekaboo etc.)... my youngest twins, at barely over a year, were already well engaged in the spray bottles with water, dry mop and rags, 'cleaning' walls, tables, vacuuming etc. whenever I simply didn't want to go out.

Next, there is the empty bathtub with 2 little cups of those pudding things (99cents at most Bartells and dollar stores)... they can finger paint each other and the walls and lick it all off... and at the end, whoosh bathy go bye bye.

Of course, this all depends on your mess tolerance, but I have learned -- or convinced myself -- that some messes are so easy to clean up and so fun to watch, that it makes it worth while. My youngest twins are now 2 and they, unlike my older set, really play so well together, with that evil glimmer in their eyes as they dump out each others dresser drawers... but I digress.

And then there is yardwork...

Regular errands work well too, depending on shopping cart tolerance.

Sometimes, rather than avoid all the comments, it is fun to just go to Target, grab a Starbucks and slowly walk through all the aisles, stopping to chat with each and every interested stranger who wants to know 'are they twins, are they identical etc'.


Thoughts?

Today I gave away all our toys....

Today I gave away all our toys. Ok, not all of them, but I got your attention, didn't I?

It isn't even Halloween, but the stores are already buzzing with that toy-stocking shelf-luring glitter that will be Christmas present overload in just a few short months.

A few years ago, when I just had 3 children under 3 -- a 2 1/2 year old and a pair of 1 year olds -- I started trying to figure out just what they needed and what they didn't, and I ended up getting way too many things in our house. There were some power struggles over who got to play with any toy, and the babies were often placed in contraptions meant to keep them safe from our then-aggressive 2 1/2 year old son.

Fast forward a few years to 5-year old big brother, 3 1/2 year old little brother and sister, and 1 year old littlest brother and sister. Twins or no twins, boys or girls, the bottom line is I've just simply got a lot of kids.

And the stuff was driving me nuts. Your best friend if you have multiple kids? A big empty room -- even a garage.

I've also discovered by chance that sometimes the littler ones do really well with things that are meant for their older siblings. 

Enter the Goodwill lego table with a box of duplos. Our littlest ones will stand at that table on both sides and drop legos in and out of it for literally hours. Just behind it is a window sill looking out into our front yard. On that silly are a few spaced out legos. Next to that window is an empty bookshelf. Every day a few things are placed on it -- an empty tin can, a wooden spoon, a piece of an old belt, or, more legos! Walk or crawl a few steps the other direction to our leather couch... with shoes tossed all over it. Hours of velcro fun. Hook a few shoes together and give each baby one end... whoohoo!

When older siblings are present, we give them the power to direct, create, interact. They build lego towers for 'twinzilla' to knock over. They set timers for the little ones to move from station to station. They play dress-up clothes and run around the room while the littler ones look on in awe.

The older siblings of course have big kid toys, but they spend a large amount of time in our relatively toyless family room/kitchen doing things like playing a sink full of 'dirty' kid dishes. Add something like a turkey baster for hours of bubbly fun. Also popular is pretending to clean -- rags and water go a long way in our home. For the tool-inclined, a safe-ish screwdriver and an old baby gate to take apart and put back together work miracles.

And, let's not forget actual helping:

In the house - our 3 and 5yr olds load/unload the dishwasher, make their own breakfasts (and ours -- I've eaten toast, string cheese and soymilk with frozen berries in it... ). They help prepare meals, grating cheese, cracking eggs -- buy a Sam's club size egg carton or 2 and let them practice.. scramble the eggs all up, and presto -- they've learned how to crack eggs and you have lunch. A stick of brussel sprouts and a dull butter knife are fun too.
They help fold and put away laundry -- yes, it takes a long time . They dress themselves.  My kids go out often looking like bag ladies, or else my 5yr old wants to wear his 'dress pants' and a tie... usually hooked to a 'fancy' tshirt. People think I make him wear it.

They change diapers, prepare baby food, buckle/unbuckle carseats, fill sippy cups, and entertain babies in highchairs by running/screaming up and down the hallway. 

In these times, you might find that less really is... well... more!

Pears for the pair!

When it comes to feeding twins, or any baby for that matter, a lot of parents take it all too seriously. Yes, you are supposed to start out with one thing, watch for allergies, monitor any small child while eating etc. But, that doesn't mean every single thing you give your kids and/or babies has to be pureed to the point of dribbling off the highchair or chopped so finely that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

Whole fruit has a great experience and sensory value for babies and kids alike. Give it a try. Pears are great because the 'core' isn't too hard and the stem pulls off easily! Just wash well, buy organic if you can and go go go!

Back to school for your kids?

Whether it is back to school, or entering school for the very first time, this entire process can be overwhelming for both parents and kids. What are some of the things you've done to make it easier on you? On your kids?

How to deal with unwanted advice about raising twins

 I had a question emailed from a new mom a few weeks ago, dealing with how to address comments from her family about the milestones her twins (born a few weeks early) were reaching, and why they were delayed etc. Her inlaws went so far as to say she was disabling them by adjusting the milestones to the corrected age on the advice of her Doctor!

My thoughts....

You know, I don't think this is a twin-specific issue, and I know we had all kinds of advice thrown at us with our first child, from the ever present 'just put rice cereal in the bottle' from mother-in-law to comments on having him out in the sun, in the cold, in a stroller, not in a stroller, in a carrier.... why was he in his own room, not in our bed, etc. etc.

Even the best 'advice' from a close friend can turn sour when all you really want to do is have healthy babies and enjoy the moment that they are in.

All 5 of my children were technically premies, and the comments and advice still come flying in from all angles. I only listen to my Dr. and of course to everyone here on the forum

The rest, just nod and smile...

Now, I'm super curious about who says you are disabling them (!!) and to whom are you explaining things and repeating yourself? Are people asking you why you are doing certain things? I mean, I'm not really sure what different things one does with a 5month old vs a 7month old... My super old 9month olds pretty much ride around in the car, hang out in exersaucers, crawl around on the floor, camp out in highchairs and sleep in cribs... pretty much what they were doing a few months ago, sans the swings and bouncy seats which now are outgrown.

My sincerest offers of support are to not explain anything, ever, to anyone or come up with a super sticky sweet comment that only you and your husband know is a total joke like... "Oh, we really appreciate that suggestion and I've written it down in our advice book. I'll let you know how that works!" Or.. "Wow, I heard that is doing that same thing with her twins, is that why you suggested it?" Or "You know, said we should do that too, and I'm going to run it by our Dr on our next visit".

Sometimes being snarky can make you feel better.

With every child in our family, the ages at which my husband did certain things gets earlier and earlier according to my MIL... right now, he was eating solids at 2 months and on nonfat milk instead of formula at 6mo.. I think he walked at 7 months and maybe drove at 10 or something.

I'm not trying to be too flip here, I just sincerely hope you know that WHATEVER you and your husband do with your babies is the best thing ever and everyone else can just move along to the next thing. Be sure to keep us posted on actual comments you receive.. they make for good laughs... good luck!!